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THE HANDS YOU DREAMED OF HOLDING

We always want to look our best at weddings. Gwen and I took two slow July weeks off to have some “work” done. Wedding photographer, Jeff Colling, jokingly accused us of hiding away for plastic surgery. We think he was joking.

We both had hand surgery and with minimal vanity, thought we would avoid the awkwardness of clients visualizing us wearing bandages at their weddings.

GWEN’S HANDS

Gwen went in for the first of her two carpel tunnel surgeries scheduled this summer. She was the first to suggest taking time off to heal before meeting couples or performing weddings.

The surgery was uneventful, Gwen has been a great patient and in a matter of weeks we will repeat the whole thing. She won’t scare anyone with Frankenstein hands.

PHIL’S HANDS

I have used SPF 15 or better every day since 1980. My fair skin has always been susceptible to Arizona’s beautiful weather, so I visit a dermatologist annually.

In spite of years of slathering sunscreen on my face and back of my neck, the doctor found some suspicious cells. The tops of my ears, the bridge of my nose and one cheek had abnormal cells that could be destroyed by freezing them with liquid nitrogen, or cryosurgery. It burns the skin, leaves a blister for ten days, but it could prevent skin cancer. Was so glad Gwen needed two weeks off so she would be the only one seeing my spotted head.

Suddenly, the doctor’s visit took a turn. He said, “Put out your hands,” and pointed out nine spots of abnormal tissue on the backs of my hands. Not only would my head be “out of service,” but my hands were going to look bad as well. I never thought about protecting my hands.

WEDDING VENDOR HANDS

I use this blog to get wedding vendors’ attention about the Arizona Sun. We all know to apply sunscreen on our heads. But don’t forget to protect your hands. And remember, when you wash your hands they are unprotected and need sunscreen applied again.

With face furrowing, expanding forehead and uncomfortable waistline in place, I could use a lot of work. But from now on, I am going to protect my hands outdoors, and hope you do too!

Posted by Phil Waring at 7/23/2011 5:49 AM | Add Comment

Arizona Wedding Awards

Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Grammys, Emmys, Sag Awards, Independent Spirit Awards, Guild Awards, Critics Awards and Tonys. There sure are a lot of awards.

There is also no shortage of groups of insecure people needing awards to flatter themselves, including the wedding industry. The term “wedding industry” is in and of itself, disturbing enough. Since when is doing a great job and being known for it, not enough?

Consider that an award winner is usually different than a contest winner. Most awards are bestowed by a panel of accredited judges to recognize excellence in a given field. The award’s value depends upon the status of the awarder, so always consider the source.

Most contests are won openly like a horse race or American Idol. Competitors are staged fairly side-by-side, results are measured and verified, and there are tangible prizes like cash or trophies.

However, when a contest is conducted in secret without open competition, the value is subjective at best. A list of “winners” is published and many heads shake, the competition knowing better than the contest results show. A number of blind votes is not any proof of quality or character, possibly just how many friends and family a wedding vendor can get to vote for them.

Once again, consider the source. The award for these wedding publication popularity contests is usually more advertising and exposure.

In a related situation twenty years ago, it became a known fact that the largest group of people reading the church ads in newspapers were the ministers and their spouses. In fact, church advertising was so lucrative that... well, it wasn’t. They finally discovered their actual audience. When was the last time you saw a page of ads for churches in a periodical?

Popularity contests in the wedding milieu are designed to keep the advertisers engaged, not the public. Publishers depend upon advertisers to read the ads, compare themselves to others, and as a result, spend more.

Perhaps the largest group of readers of wedding ads is wedding advertisers and their spouses. Writer Dave Barry pointed out in The Miami Herald, that wedding ads drive the cost of weddings higher as competitors merely try to keep up with each other.

There is already enough competition without meaningless popularity contests. Why not have a real contest, a staged throw down, or an old fashion debate? A blind popularity contest is less than a compliment to the larger wedding industry community.

The wedding industry could offer an award for the volume of happy couples served over many years, for the creativity displayed while doing so, and from the people inspired by one’s sincerity. Give an award for proven leadership, influence or heroism, but not for popularity or just doing one’s job.

(This article’s writer knows he probably won’t win any more contests, but he does promise to keep providing the same level of service he has the past 30 years. Right now, ArizonaWeddingList.com maintains the nominees for any sensible wedding competition, including designated “legends” of the Arizona wedding service community.)

Posted by Phil Waring at 5/11/2011 7:58 AM | Add Comment

Inclusive Wedding Ceremonies

Arizona Ministers like to help make everyone feel at ease and welcome during wedding ceremonies. Engaging the guests, attendants, parents, children, and of course, the bride and groom, allows everyone to feel included and important.

There are many ways to make wedding ceremonies inclusive.

Have mom stand with dad & daughter at the presentation of the bride. The image of both parents presenting their daughter for marriage is a once in a lifetime event and priceless. We find most mothers are pleasantly surprised by being invited to stand a little closer to their daughters at this important time.

Make sure the officiant is personable and caring enough to consider others. The officiant shouldn't have a lectern, microphone stands, books or shuffling pages of notes to be read, between himself and the couple. While a hug from the minister is unlikely during the ceremony, a personable ceremony should be officiated only a short embrace away.

A wedding ceremony should not be treated like a classroom experience with a lecturer. The ceremony is no place to teach lessons or take notes for that matter. The officiant should speak to the bride and groom... not talk over them. He should talk about them, not just about marriage, responsibility, duty, etc. A play is not performed by people reading scripts, and wedding ceremonies should not be performed reading from binders.

Recognize other friends or relatives important to the relationship. It's always nice to mention when parents or grandparents have celebrated significant milestone anniversaries. To mention the friend or sibling that introduced the couple is sometimes endearing. If the wedding is being broadcast live to relatives and friends on the internet, the bride and groom can take a moment to wave and say 'hello' to them.

The inclusive minister will involve the guests. He can ask for their blessing, provoke applause and recognize any appropriate spontaneity. It takes experience to engage an audience, and an officiant with an inclusive attitude can make it happen.

A second language can be added. If multi-lingual guests are expected to attend, even saying “hello” in someone’s language makes them feel special and included.

Get the minister out of the way. Toward the end of the ceremony he/she can go behind the guests so everyone can see the cake topper the couple has become. Guests love to see the bride and groom's expressions as they are 'pronounced husband and wife' right before they kiss. Plus, the guests are now at an advantage to take their own keepsake photograph of the couple.

 OTHER INCLUSIVE IDEAS

Get out of the gazebo. When a ceremony is celebrated inside, instead of in front of some gazebos, the guests can feel left out or irrelevant. It's fine to enter the gazebo for a candlelighting or such, but to spend the entire ceremony in space separate from the guests is not inclusive.

Have the ceremony in “the round.” From the center of the circle, we slowly turn the couple during the ceremony so everyone has the bride and groom in front of them at some moment. It also enables the photographer to get more of those photojournalistic pictures with lots of the guests included with the bride and groom.

Place wide seating so furthest guest is not that far away. When 3 or 4 chairs on each side are placed 24 rows back, the guests in the back can feel disengaged. If 8 chairs are placed on each side with 7 or 8 rows total, the farthest guest is much closer.

Add a responsive reading that the guests can recite. Scripture, a poem or even a relevant excerpt from literature can be read back and forth by the officiant and the guests. Again, involvement makes a wedding inclusive.

Avoid using a microphone if there are fewer than 60 guests. It actually puts space between the officiant and any readers and the guests. Like radio commercials and annoying announcements, some people simply turn off their listening when someone uses a microphone.

Posted by Phil Waring at 3/1/2011 6:42 AM | Add Comment

Event Professionals Team Work

Here's an amazing event we will be part of in February. We're giving away a free wedding ceremony as part of the project. Here are all of the details. We hope to see you there!

PHOENIX – January 3, 2011 – Engaged couples have yet another reason to celebrate. Tickets are now on sale for the February 23rd, 2011 Brides Give Back event. Brides and grooms are invited to save big on their wedding day expenses by bidding on services donated by the Valley’s top wedding professionals. The big day soiree will take place at the Historic Icehouse in downtown Phoenix and will benefit Save the Family Foundation of Arizona, a local charity helping homeless families get back on their feet.

The cocktail party auction will offer brides and grooms the opportunity to sip champagne, mingle with Phoenix’s luxury wedding professionals, and bid on everything from photography to florals. Couples who attended the last Brides Give Back event secured wedding day essentials at as little as 30 percent of retail value, with all proceeds directly benefiting families in need. The event will feature musical entertainment, silent and live auctions, and cake samples galore.

For more details or to purchase tickets, visit www.bridesgiveback.com. Following the social entrepreneurship trend, all ticket sales and 100% of net proceeds benefit Save the Family.

Brides Give Back began in 2009. In it’s first year, the auction of more than $30,000 worth of donated goods and services helped to provide a night of shelter for 77 victims of domestic abuse.

About Save the Family

Save the Family has been serving homeless families with children for more than 20 years. Founded in 1988, Save the Family was created to help homeless families become self-sufficient. On the net: www.savethefamily.org/

www.bridesgiveback.com - 480.219.8067 - info@bridesgiveback.com

Posted by Phil Waring at 2/12/2011 6:02 AM | Add Comment

Photojournalistic Minister

The first time I was asked to officiate a wedding with my back to the guests was awful. That proximity, so close to the bride and groom, blocked several people from seeing the couple throughout the entire ceremony. Remarks that I made about the guests' love and support were diminished because I wasn't looking at them. It was very confusing to many.

A lot of Rabbis officiate the ceremony that way. They block the bride and groom's view from several guests, but that's their tradition.

Having always used my peripheral vision to accommodate photographers, I have come up with a solution for the bride and groom that want to face their guests during the ceremony. I subtly turn the bride and groom throughout the ceremony. They are photographed at each end of the aisle with anticipation, diagonally at the presentation of the bride, facing me during my short talk about marriage relationships, and sometimes behind the unity table with candles or sand.

Finally, at the end of the ceremony I causally make my way around the guests to stand in the middle of the aisle behind the guests, not blocking a soul. With the bride and groom facing their guests like a cake topper, I wrap up the ceremony, pronounce them "husband and wife," and everyone gets to see their expressions right before the nuptial kiss. It creates a great variety of photographs to be remembered for years to come.

Click on the photo, it's by Fred Ferguson.

Posted by Phil Waring at 8/28/2010 6:27 PM | Add Comment

Why I Cut My Hair

(Click on Photo)

Have to admit I was appalled the first time I heard this. Seems when someone does not know a judge or member of the clergy that can perform their wedding, the first thing they consider is appearance.

What about credentials? Experience? Sincerity? Articulation? Reputation? None of these matter more than what the minister looks like. Had to think hard and long before I could actually agree with it.

One might overlook appearance from time to time. No hair, deep wrinkles, and thick glasses might not be a deal breaker. However, stray eyebrows, bad breath or a suit covered with cat hair is not what a couple wants to experience during their marriage celebration. A Stonebridge Manor Wedding Consultant once asked me, "Do all ministers have dandruff?" Straining my peripheral vision catching a glimpse of my shoulder I replied, "No."

Some time ago Gwen's physician referred her to an associate to consult for her back pain. The physician mentioned that the associate was a little bit different than most, which did not prepare her for the appointment. Imagine her surprise to meet the new doctor in Birkenstocks, polyester capris that did not contain her mass, and matted hair flying in every direction. The doctor, appearing very unprofessional, did not exude confidence.

VESTIS VIRUM REDDIT. "Clothes make the man," was authoritatively orated by Marcus Fabius Quintillianus not quite 2000 years ago. With respect to Mr. Eddie Fischer, I learned this lesson first in 7th Grade Latin Class, that appearance means everything.

Now that wrinkles (furrows) are finding a permanent place on my face, my hair is turning white, and my eyes are not as good as they used to be, I try to pay attention to my appearance in earnest. My clothes fit, I still don't have dandruff and I am neurotic about those stray nose and ear hairs.

So, why did I cut my hair? I have applied my hair-spray helmet thousands and thousands of times so my hair would not wreck a couple's wedding photo. A few weeks back I had the epiphany that if I would just buzz my hair I could save thousands on hair spray and could drive down the freeway with my windows open.

Please help me out if you see something out of place on me (that I can or should do something about).

Posted by Phil Waring at 7/31/2010 1:40 PM | Add Comment

Bridal Happy Hour

5000 or more feet above Phoenix' Valley Floor, Flagstaff is cool, calm and thanks to one special person, collected. That person is Dana Micklos, creator of The Bridal Happy Hour.

Dana has arranged for Arizona's finest wedding services to assemble in Flagstaff so brides can mingle and hopefully "click" with their venue, vendors and more. It's a relaxing happy hour to discuss ideas, brainstorm and enjoy the company of discerning brides and carefully selected vendors.

Click on the link above and discover the possibilities of having your wedding in Flagstaff, or at least meeting your vendors there! There's not a better way to plan your wedding than The Bridal Happy Hour.

Arizona Ministers will meet couples in the Phoenix Valley if it is more convenient.

Posted by Phil Waring at 5/21/2010 6:27 AM | Add Comment

The Who Said of the Greatest Magnitude

Judges are just people. Because of their training and experience, they are either elected or institutionally appointed to serve as judges. Judges consider the law, weigh the facts and make decisions. Finally, they speak the words, "innocent," "guilty," "granted," or "denied." Their word is usually final, unless there is a valid appeal.

Ministers are just people. Because of their training and experience, they are institutionally appointed to serve as clergy. Ministers consider the law, weigh the facts and make decisions. Finally, they speak the words, "I pronounce you..." and their word is usually final. Once "pronounced" husband and wife, only death or divorce can dissolve the contract.

A community college professor used to say that "judges and ministers are the who said of the greatest magnitude." While ministers and judges are just people, their very words seal the future of countless individuals.

Posted by Phil Waring at 10/20/2009 8:12 AM | Add Comment

Minister Phillip Waring Profile by Patti Zint, The Wedding Chronicle

You just have to love Phil Waring. An unlikely cross between Jeff Foxworthy and Joel Osteen, Phil offers both quick wit and genuine acceptance. Precociously certain he could make marriage ceremonies into true celebrations after attending a somber service at the age of ten, he set up a crate and box altar in his family garage to practice conducting weddings. His performance is now perfect.

Winner of The Wedding Chronicle Reader’s Poll six years in a row, inductee into The Wedding Chronicle Hall of Fame, and pastor of Chapel Bellavista, Phil is uniquely dedicated to each and every couple he marries. “I offer authenticity, credibility and a profound appreciation for the individuality of their relationship,” he states. Comments from clients range from surprise that it “felt like you were actually talking to us” to “incredibly impressed that every word you spoke was truly about us and not a canned ceremony” to “Wow!”

“I’m glad to be at the age where I can treat every couple like they are my own children.” To this end, Phil gets to know his clients, spending time both listening and asking questions. His goal is to stay relevant to each particular couple, conducting a thorough interview for significant details about their lives and relationship to use in creating a ceremony especially for them. No two weddings are exactly alike if officiated by Phil Waring. “It’s all I ever wanted to do. I love it, and I love the people to be surprised by how much they enjoy it!” His most challenging weddings are those involving celebrities where their relationships are somewhat public. “In that case I want to find the relevant surprise in their relationship, something no one knows about them, to make their ceremony fresh and new.”

“I’m the minister who always shows up sober with his own teeth and hair,” Phil deadpans with a twinkle of mischief. “I always try to answer the phone and most of the time I work outdoors,” he grins, referring to the lovely desert gardens of Chapel Bellavista, a church charted by Phil and his wife of eleven years, Gwen, also a minister. “Gwen is an incredible minister! Professional people always seek her sound wisdom.” Together, they are the founders of Arizona Ministers, serving couples through marriage counseling, providing quality pastors for wedding ceremonies plus references to other wedding vendors, and opening Chapel Bellavista for worship and intimate wedding services.

Asked to name someone who has influenced and encouraged him both personally and professionally, Phil smiles. “Besides Gwen, that would be George Burnette. He has shown interest and been supportive of me in every area of my life.” An impish grin suggests more than a few pranks between friends.

Phil provides premarital counseling even if he’s not the wedding officiate. “No strings attached,” he quips, and “having marriage counseling indicates a willingness to improve the relationship.” About Covenant marriages, Phil states, “I’ve never met a couple on a crapshoot. A wedding isn’t a gamble. Anything that is done for the relationship is good to consider.”

Also good to consider is Phil Waring as your wedding minister. “I don’t mind going the second mile for my clients. These are relationships, and they’re worth it."

Photo by Arizona Wedding Studio

Posted by Phil Waring at 8/27/2009 7:19 AM | Add Comment

Ceremony of the Golden Cords

The Golden Cord Ceremony usually takes place after the exchange of rings in the wedding ceremony.

"Today I have a gift for you, three beautiful golden cords. They represent the three most important entities here today, you two and the loving God who made you and brought you together.

"One of the great things about rope, is that when you tie it in a knot, the knot becomes the strongest part of the rope. You know I came here to tie the knot... (minister grins as he ties three cords into a knot, and then asks the bride and groom to hold each side of the cords). King Solomon wrote that "a cord of three strands is not easily broken."

"Pull this knot tight! That knot is a little like your marriage. If you pull too hard, wriggle it around, put it in a place of constant friction or pick at it, it might get loose or actually come undone. The knot I tied here today is like your marriage... beautiful, strong, tight and we all hope eternal.

"Keep that knot someplace visible in your home so you can be reminded of the strength of your love on your wedding day. Your hearts are now tied together in love, devotion and trust, with the strength of three."

Photo: Fotos by Flint

Posted by Phil Waring at 1/2/2009 8:52 AM | Add Comment

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